I made a bit of a miscalculation.
I anticipated that my post on my State Representative's Facebook page would cause him to re-think his words, go to work at a women's shelter, stop posting so darn often (36 posts on June 13th), beg for forgiveness, and bury his guns deep, deep in the ground.
I crack myself up sometimes.
(In fairness, he did apologize. Sorta. In his own way. And he did talk with Michelle Kuiper, the woman from the original Star article, and they are at peace with one another. So I count that as a win.)
I anticipated that lots of people wouldn't like what I said, and I knew that I would get a verbal smack down from Rep. Lucas's fans. (As it says over there on the right, I'm OK with that. Some of the words really stung, but like a bee sting, with a little time the sting goes away. I'm thankful I'm not allergic to either bees or words!)
I anticipated that my words would be misconstrued. Maybe that's one thing that Rep. Lucas and I have in common. I'm fairly certain that many of the people who commented on the post didn't read past my first sentence, and didn't read my second post at all. To those who did, thanks.
What I did not anticipate is that the post would end up on BuzzFeed, cbsnews.com and nbcnews.com. At first I was secretly thrilled and shared the BuzzFeed page with a few friends. But I'm not going to link the pages here, as I'm still a little overwhelmed by how far this has spread -- it's my own little Pandora's Box.
What I did not anticipate is my intense need to seek some sort of peace. I certainly don't need to be forgiven and I'm not seeking an apology for his "how low can you go" comment (sting), but I was hoping for some sort of acknowledgement that I tried to be civil and kind. On Sunday evening, 6/11, at 4:53, after lots of friends were sending me links to the national news coverage, I was feeling a little shattered and wrote this to Rep. Lucas in a private message:
After all that has occurred in the media after my comments on your post from Monday, I felt a need to write to you. I hope you saw my second post in that original thread, but if you didn't, I'll say once again that in using the term “rape culture,” I did not mean to offend you; while I believe you made a poor choice to write the letter, then a poor choice of wording within the letter, I never meant to imply that you condoned rape, rapists or sexual violence. It remains, however, that what I read in your words amounts to blaming those who don't see and do things as you see and do them -- your "this is why you carry" tag for each posting on terrorism carries with it the clear implication that if one were carrying a gun, one wouldn’t be dead. I've had some excellent, civil exchanges with one of your adamant supporters about this very point this week – he insists that you are not a “victim blamer” and that you and I want the same things. I’ve contemplated that deeply while reading through your Facebook feed, legislation and news articles, but still don’t agree. You and I will never probably never agree on anything (except the fact that your children are wonderful and that this is a great country), and even though I would love to throw my 2 cents in on many of your posts, I probably won't, as the blow back from this one has been rough on my spiritual peace. You are right that there is a lot of hatred (from both sides); the name-calling, belittling and cruel assumptions from both sides don't help to further the conversation. I read every comment on the post, and many made me stop and consider the validity of my reply, but I still stand by my words – to quote Thomas Paine, “He who dares not offend cannot be honest.” And yet I still feel the need to keep a peace between us (and all people), for to quote TP again, “The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.” And by the way, riding in honor and memory of Hunter today was a good thing. I’ll never forget his sweet face from his days at St. Ambrose School. Georgiann (Rep. Lucas had participated in a motorcycle ride that honored fallen soldiers -- Hunter Hogan was 21 years old when he was killed in Afghanistan on June 23, 2012.)
While I stand by my assertion that hundreds of his posts illustrate victim blaming, I surely wouldn't say I "attacked" him; believe me, I've re-read my reply about a hundred times trying to decide if I am "reprehensible". And civil discussion is one of my favorite things. You know my theme song --
... raindrops on corn fields and well-played percussion;
babies and corgis and civil discussion/
coffee and peace signs and kids free from fear,
this is some of my favorite sensitive snowflake-liberal
Pollyanna-social justice warrior gear...
But I digress.
I know better than to think that Rep. Lucas would copy and paste my words into a Facebook post, but I was hoping for a little acknowledgment. Just a smidge. Because he did copy and paste a lot of the hateful things people wrote to him. Really, really hateful. I am ashamed at the hate some people who support my same position spewed at Rep. Lucas. While I wish he were not my state representative, I don't hate him and I don't wish any harm to him, his family or his supporters. That sort of talk must stop in all sectors of our society.
That being said, what I've finally learned (sometimes I'm a slow learner) is that Rep. Lucas really loves the controversy. He loves to stir the pot. Kick up the dirt. Shovel the shit, as it were. For if he truly loved civil discussion, he would have maintained a civil discourse with me, right? Instead, he ignores my notes and continues to post things that delight and rally his supporters. For example, he garnered intense media scrutiny and snowflake criticism this past December and January for posting two memes which were degrading to women (and I don't care if 9,500 people -- "including women!" Lucas interjected -- liked the memes, they are still degrading). You can google "Jim Lucas offensive memes" if you like, but I'm not going to link them here because ... well, just ick. In what I think was a poor political move (but what do I know? I thought Pence's political career was over with RFRA and Trump's over with the Billy Bush interview...) and unbecoming to someone in an elected leadership position, he re-posted them this week as an attempted illustration of how those of us left of center read too much into his posts and don't have a sense of humor.
Huh. I am fucking hilarious. Ask anyone. I just don't like memes of women in car trunks.
But I do like this one, sent by a friend (OK, it was my sister again):
They (the POTUS and Rep. Lucas, not my sister and her meme-making) both need to stop. But then, so do I.
I've done what I thought I had to do -- resisting, persisting and peace-making. I didn't accomplish much but stress myself out, so now I'll just let Rep. Lucas and his Facebook page be. Refuse to engage.
Until the next election. Sting.
Peace.
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