Persist, Resist or Refuse to Engage?

I made a bit of a miscalculation.

I anticipated that my post on my State Representative's Facebook page would cause him to re-think his words, go to work at a women's shelter, stop posting so darn often (36 posts on June 13th), beg for forgiveness, and bury his guns deep, deep in the ground.

I crack myself up sometimes.  

(In fairness, he did apologize.  Sorta.  In his own way.  And he did talk with Michelle Kuiper, the woman from the original Star article, and they are at peace with one another.  So I count that as a win.)

I anticipated that lots of people wouldn't like what I said, and I knew that I would get a verbal smack down from Rep. Lucas's fans.  (As it says over there on the right, I'm OK with that. Some of the words really stung, but like a bee sting, with a little time the sting goes away.  I'm thankful I'm not allergic to either bees or words!) 

I anticipated that my words would be misconstrued.  Maybe that's one thing that Rep. Lucas and I have in common.  I'm fairly certain that many of the people who commented on the post didn't read past my first sentence, and didn't read my second post at all.  To those who did, thanks.  

What I did not anticipate is that the post would end up on BuzzFeed, cbsnews.com and nbcnews.com.  At first I was secretly thrilled and shared the BuzzFeed page with a few friends.  But I'm not going to link the pages here, as I'm still a little overwhelmed by how far this has spread -- it's my own little Pandora's Box.  

What I did not anticipate is my intense need to seek some sort of peace.  I certainly don't need to be forgiven and I'm not seeking an apology for his "how low can you go" comment (sting), but I was hoping for some sort of acknowledgement that I tried to be civil and kind.    On Sunday evening, 6/11, at 4:53, after lots of friends were sending me links to the national news coverage, I was feeling a little shattered and wrote this to Rep. Lucas in a private message:

After all that has occurred in the media after my comments on your post from Monday, I felt a need to write to you.  I hope you saw my second post in that original thread, but if you didn't, I'll say once again that in using the term “rape culture,” I did not mean to offend you; while I believe you made a poor choice to write the letter, then a poor choice of wording within the letter, I never meant to imply that you condoned rape, rapists or sexual violence. It remains, however, that what I read in your words amounts to blaming those who don't see and do things as you see and do them -- your "this is why you carry" tag for each posting on terrorism carries with it the clear implication that if one were carrying a gun, one wouldn’t be dead.  I've had some excellent, civil exchanges with one of your adamant supporters about this very point this week – he insists that you are not a “victim blamer” and that you and I want the same things.  I’ve contemplated that deeply while reading through your Facebook feed, legislation and news articles, but still don’t agree.  You and I will never probably never agree on anything (except the fact that your children are wonderful and that this is a great country), and even though I would love to throw my 2 cents in on many of your posts, I probably won't, as the blow back from this one has been rough on my spiritual peace. You are right that there is a lot of hatred (from both sides); the name-calling, belittling and cruel assumptions from both sides don't help to further the conversation.  I read every comment on the post, and many made me stop and consider the validity of my reply, but I still stand by my words – to quote Thomas Paine, “He who dares not offend cannot be honest.”  And yet I still feel the need to keep a peace between us (and all people), for to quote TP again, “The World is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.”   And by the way, riding in honor and memory of Hunter today was a good thing.  I’ll never forget his sweet face from his days at St. Ambrose School.  Georgiann  (Rep. Lucas had participated in a motorcycle ride that honored fallen soldiers -- Hunter Hogan was 21 years old when he was killed in Afghanistan on June 23, 2012.)

I know that Rep. Lucas read -- or at least glanced at -- this message at 6:51 PM Sunday evening.  (Thanks, smart phone technology!)  However, I haven't received a reply.  In his letter to The Star on Monday, June 6, Rep. Lucas wrote,  ... soon there were those on social media who attacked me for “victim blaming” and spreading the culture of rape. Instead of discussing the matter civilly, many used reprehensible verbal abuse to condemn my letter ...

While I stand by my assertion that hundreds of his posts illustrate victim blaming, I surely wouldn't say I "attacked" him; believe me, I've re-read my reply about a hundred times trying to decide if I am "reprehensible".  And civil discussion is one of my favorite things.  You know my theme song --

... raindrops on corn fields and well-played percussion; 

babies and corgis and civil discussion/

coffee and peace signs and kids free from fear, 

this is some of my favorite sensitive snowflake-liberal

Pollyanna-social justice warrior gear...

But I digress.

I know better than to think that Rep. Lucas would copy and paste my words into a Facebook post, but I was hoping for a little acknowledgment.  Just a smidge.  Because he did copy and paste a lot of the hateful things people wrote to him.  Really, really hateful.  I am ashamed at the hate some people who support my same position spewed at Rep. Lucas.  While I wish he were not my state representative, I don't hate him and I don't wish any harm to him, his family or his supporters.  That sort of talk must stop in all sectors of our society.  

That being said, what I've finally learned (sometimes I'm a slow learner) is that Rep. Lucas really loves the controversy.  He loves to stir the pot. Kick up the dirt.  Shovel the shit, as it were.  For if he truly loved civil discussion, he would have maintained a civil discourse with me, right?  Instead, he ignores my notes and continues to post things that delight and rally his supporters.  For example, he garnered intense media scrutiny and snowflake criticism this past December and January for posting  two memes which were degrading to women (and I don't care if 9,500 people -- "including women!" Lucas interjected --  liked the memes, they are still degrading).  You can google "Jim Lucas offensive memes" if you like, but I'm not going to link them here because ... well, just ick.  In what I think was a poor political move (but what do I know?  I thought Pence's political career was over with RFRA and Trump's over with the Billy Bush interview...) and unbecoming to someone in an elected leadership position, he re-posted them this week as an attempted illustration of how those of us left of center read too much into his posts and don't have a sense of humor. 

Huh.  I am fucking hilarious.  Ask anyone.  I just don't like memes of women in car trunks. 

But I do like this one, sent by a friend (OK, it was my sister again):

They (the POTUS and Rep. Lucas, not my sister and her meme-making) both need to stop. But then, so do I. 

I've done what I thought I had to do -- resisting, persisting and peace-making.  I didn't accomplish much but stress myself out, so now I'll just let Rep. Lucas and his Facebook page be.  Refuse to engage.

Until the next election.  Sting.

Peace.

Let's Knit a Kind Wall

Did you hear the one about the woman who knit eight Pussy Hats for eight amazing women to wear at marches and rallies despite the fact that she doesn't like the word "pussy" even when extended to her favorite cats and who was verbally attacked in the grocery store by a woman she thought was her friend and wondered for a few days if she really was "disgusting" for knitting said hats until she decided that nah, she wasn't, and picked up her needles to knit four more for her friends in California?

I didn't think so.  But isn't is a good one?

You'll probably like this one, too.

The amazing women who kicked off the Pussy Hat knitting revolution are starting another one --  the Welcome Blanket project.  The plan is to use 2000 miles (the length of Trump's proposed US/Mexico wall) of yarn to knit up 3200 blankets to be given to new immigrants to the United States.

You can find a pattern on their website; if you've been to my knitting classes, you'll recognize the Come Together Blanket pattern as a variation on the Grandmother's Favorite dishcloth -- 16 simple squares knit in two colors, and especially beautiful set together as in a quilt.  (But I'm sure the organizers will be thrilled with any 40"x 40" blanket you choose to make.)

This is a lovely, compassionate (and warm!) project that I am excited to take part in. If you would like to participate but don't know how to knit, come to our Knit Night at the Jackson County Library, Seymour, on the second and fourth Thursdays of the month at 6:30.  We'd love to have you join us -- we don't talk about politics, but we all knit with kindness.

Peace.

Starting Again

It is June, and I haven't posted since February.

I've been on retreat.
I've been to the UK.
I've been the music director for an amazing production of Little Shop of Horrors.
I've run an event attended by 1000+ people.

I've been busy.

In those three months I've also spent a lot of time being embarrassed by the actions of our President.

I joined Twitter to read and shudder at the off-the-cuff, grammatically-inept and lexically-challenged rantings of our President.  (This might have been a mistake -- Twitter kicks my spiritual peace right in the ass.)

I've written to The White House, Senators and Congresspersons, in union with those who love our Mother Earth (and who are much smarter than I am) and who know that climate change is real.

I've had the wind taken out of my sails, and wondered at the futility of fighting back against an administration whose policies and attitude toward others -- individuals, countries, races, ethnicities and genders -- is incompatible to all that I hold true, dear, and important, and yet barrels forward with seemingly little concern for the consequences of words and actions.  (Our President could have used a few life lessons from my parents.  Although I often ignore my mom's sweet soft advice that echoes in my head to "think before I speak,"-- sorry, mom -- my dad's ceaseless "actions have consequences" speeches boom in my mind every day.  Every single day.)

In other words, I haven't been much of a warrior.  I even considered deleting this blog.  Gasp.

But then a friend (OK, it was my sister) sent me a screenshot of our State Representative's Facebook post and commentary on the most recent London terrorist attack, as she knew that Clay and I had just walked those bridges in London eight weeks ago, and that after watching news coverage, Clay realized that one of the pubs involved was a pub where we had stopped for a pint.  While the Representative's "this is why you carry" and "THIS IS WHY I FIGHT FOR YOUR GUN RIGHTS" comments almost made me break my self-imposed exile from commenting on his posts, I was stopped -- and shocked -- by one of his more recent posts.  He shared this (one of his 25 Facebook posts on Monday, but I'm not judging.  Ok, yes, I am.):

in response to this:

and I sort of lost my mind and wrote this, even though I knew better. Even though Clay (who agrees with me, bless his little liberal-leaning heart) warned me of what would happen:

This letter does nothing but further the culture of rape by placing responsibility firmly on the rape victim. While I love kick-ass women who have been well-trained to take down an attacker, your suggestion of "learning how not to be a victim" is a faulty and short-sighted solution. Rape victims include children, older women, disabled women, mentally challenged women -- women for whom self-defense classes are a non-starter. And, if your definition of avoiding victimization is to carry a gun, you know that there are millions of women like me for whom this could never be an option. Please don't add "if only she'd taken a self-defense class" and "if only she'd had a gun" to the already amazingly long list of rape excuses like "she was asking for it".

I thought that was pretty peaceful, thoughful, etc., etc., etc.

Representative Lucas responded:

 Seriously? Furthering the culture of rape??? That's about as low as you can go right there, Georgiann! There is no such thing as 100% guarantee to not have bad or horrible things happen to you, but to completely ignore the vast amount of training that is out there that teaches women things to look for so that they don't put themselves in the position of becoming victimized is foolish. Why wouldn't someone want to mitigate and try to prevent a horrible tragedy such as this?

I really don't think he understood what I was saying.  I'm wondering if he read past the first sentence? And then he invited his friends to respond to me, which they did.  Ouch.  And to which I responded:

Jim Lucas, first off, I certainly didn't mean to offend you with that term -- you know that's not how I roll. But rape culture is a term we live with in today's America. It's on television, in movies, at fraternity parties -- the culture that normalizes sexual violence. It's the culture that says "boys will be boys with boyish urges" and puts the onus on rape victims. That was my point. It's a harsh term. But when 1 in 5 women in this country are victims of sexual violence, I don't think it's a term I/we can back away from. And actually, I thought I was going high, in defense of women who cannot or would not participate in classes like Tamara teaches (I know and love lots of women who have taken her classes -- as a feminist, I would never tell another woman she shouldn't take the classes.) I understand that you're calling for fairness in the press --a "let's look at another side of the story" call. I think that there is a third (and I should have added "more important") side -- the side that says let's teach boys and men not to use and abuse women in sexually violent ways. The side that says no woman is asking for rape, despite how she looks, acts, dresses or how drunk she is. I'm pretty sure we can agree on that one. Peace.

He didn't respond to that.  His friends did. Ouch again.  But several of my real-life friends came to my defense (even if they don't agree with me, it was kind of them to do so).

But you know what?  He didn't make me cry this time. (He's made me cry before, like the time he turned his back on me in public, Amish-shunning style, after I wrote an opinion piece in our local paper questioning his upcoming legislation that would relax gun laws.) I didn't cry, even when his friends called me ignorant.   Even when one said I failed at reading comprehension.  Even when one assumed I had never been the victim of sexual violence. Even when he invited his friends to take me to a self-defense/shooting class and he would pay my tuition.

Because I know that I am right.

Representative Lucas (I don't know why I'm addressing him, as I am fairly certain he will never visit this blog, but anyway...), we cannot blame rape victims for their lack of awareness, their inability to defend themselves and their failure to carry a weapon.  Your letter to The Star implies that you can.  Your pattern of blame in response to tragedy implies that you will.  I am asking you to stop compounding tragedy by blaming victims.

And hey.  Thanks for reminding me that I need to keep writing this blog.

Peace, my friends.